the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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