New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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