he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
