Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
