he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
