I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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