Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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