White coat. Heels.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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