I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
