I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
