I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
