What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nutella sex= disaster
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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