I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
