i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Four minutes until I can fart!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
