I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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