at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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