belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
