This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
