So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
