he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
