dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
