party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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