If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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