Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
