On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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