Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
