singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
