I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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