Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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