I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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