It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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