you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
