I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
