i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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