You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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