Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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