It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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