he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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