Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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