In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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