He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
