this beer tastes like vomit already
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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