it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
