i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
