My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
