my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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