Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
