I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Watching her eat just hurts me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
PANTIES FOUND
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