don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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