my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
