He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
