i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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