We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
