How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
